Still life on the office desk.
On the bus to the office. Thinking about how my day will look like. Not much comes to mind. The only feeling is the upcoming boredom. Chewing the bus card nervously. It is my only working tool. To get to the office on time is my only daily responsibility.
"Hi" and a smirk to colleagues. "OK" to boss. And that's about it for the interaction.
At the desk. Computer, blue pencil, black and yellow markers, post-its. And half-chewed bus card. I put reminder on snooze.
For a long time I don't enjoy my work. Then I stopped doing my work. And now it got even worse - I don't have work at work.
Fucking crisis. I am in despair and suffering. I am so tired of Angry birds.
Am I an artist?
I started looking in vain. Staring at the office desk, giving the meaning to stains on the wall. Making up stories and thinking about the everyday compositions as pieces of art. Curious composition of blue pencil, black and yellow markers, post-its even have a coffee mug mark on the top. Interesting.
I make a frame with thumbs and index fingers. Click! Fingers have been plugged in into the socket of inspiration.
They say: "Artist cannot always make art. Sometimes he has to work." Well, in my case it's the opposite. It's not "l'art pour l'art", it is "work for art".
As much as I tried to get inspired for the work itself, it just wouldn't work. Now I got inspiration from the work for art.
Because the only real work is art. And through art I found the inspiration to work - to work on my artwork. This absurd situation led to abstract work. As the actual work was becoming abstract, it was absurd to do it, therefore I turned to abstract art.
I am fulfilled with emptiness.
Due to scarcity of material, I turned to resource-based creativity, using bus cards, pins and bar-codes. First works were monochromatic, as the world seemed grey at that time. And it was good illustration of my inner conflict regarding the work and art. And then I understood that boredom breeds vitality. When the artwork is finished, I feel calm. But not empty.